Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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