note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
