I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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