Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize