I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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