She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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