I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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