Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
