a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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