I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Farmville is her only friend.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
