How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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