just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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