Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
