Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
