True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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