I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
