yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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