I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
