Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
