You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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