You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
