Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
actually, I'm a sock model
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
