I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Your tits are I can't wait for
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
why do cheetos always look like penises
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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