if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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