So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
