Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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