Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize