You're my little dorito
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
