My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
