Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
