So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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