Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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