the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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