And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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