Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
