break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
tell me about the fingering
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
