OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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