One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
