Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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