I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
