You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
