what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
