your thong is hanging out like whoa
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
