When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
