you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
