theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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