Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
