your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
