I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
