how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Text me some of your sweat
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
