i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
