how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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