the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
