How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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