dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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