She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize