So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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