We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
