I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
