Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
