Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
