Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
