see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
