Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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