Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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