he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
