...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
