I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
