Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
