Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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