I want to have your abortion
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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