It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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