If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
