I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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