Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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