exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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