Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
