When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Congratulations! We have a period
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