So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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