you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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