yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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