Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize