my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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