I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
