yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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