He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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