Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Barsexuality is the new black.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
