If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
