There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
