Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
