she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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